||: o / dear<3 :|| (2022)

aka Rekordarling

computer music for 11 dumpster salvaged hi-fi loudspeakers
Composed at Bajramovic Unlimited, spring 2022, Athens Greece



World Premiere on Saturday 29th October 2022
17:30-19:00 1st listening session
19:30-21:00 2nd listening session

At Galerie Perpétuel
https://www.perpetuel.net/
Oppenheimer Strasse 39
60598 Frankfurt am Main

facilitated by saul judd

Thanks to the kind support from Milorad Prentovic



The idea of inverting the act of listening initiated the creation process of ||: o / dear<3:|| aka Rekordarling.

I was curious, if there was a possibility to create a sonic experience where listener would know completely beforehand what would be heard, and during the process of listening would eventually lose this pre-given sonic memory. It would be a kind of composition that would work as a memory eraser. Whereas usually listening starts from not knowing and leads up to conclusive possession of heard — sonic memory.

Later this rather impossible inversion speculation turned into a poetic inspection about memory loss, and it became the main motivation for producing electronic music for multi-loudspeaker setup.

||: o / dear<3:|| aka Rekordarling composition explores whether the given diagnosis of memory illness is the end or rather a completely new beginning with constantly fragmenting memory. Also can an idea of a memory loss as compositional strategy transform during its course into something else; like into a freedom from memory?

For this listening session I have prepared 1 hour, 32 minutes and 55 seconds of audio material that will be played through a “sound spatialization generator” made with Pure Data visual programming language. Generator is selecting sound movement patterns for each 11 separate audio channels and distributes signals to the gallery space from 11 loudspeakers. The loudspeakers were salvaged during different situations and from different sources while they were on their way to trash bin.

With this installation and performance I am taking part in a search of a sculptural sensation of sound created with sound diffusion. During the performance my role is to work as a sound engineer for the “sound spatialization generator”.

Project has received support from











work in progress Bajramovic Unlimited, spring 2022, Athens Greece

COMPOSITIONAL GUIDE

File created Wednesday 27th April 2022

HOUR 00 MIN 00 SEC 00 TRACK NUMBER 01 CHANNELS 11

This is a sequel for a sound piece L=10

L=10 celebrated year of the ear

Tonight we celebrate more
Before we start I will reveal you what we will celebrate

Part 2

Rekordarling also known as
||: o / dear<3 : ||

Welcome
καλως ΗΡΘΑΤΕ
kalos IRTHATE

Dear beloved audience
I learnt to love U through L=10
Now in this moment, the moment you will forget we will learn again how to listen, but this time with our hearts

We will listen now through the heart
Why?
Because Rekordar is to remember
Rekordare is to revolve through heart — go in go out
Always fleeting, always returning

Emotion is a pocket where the rational hand can’t reach
Thus we forget, but still relive the once lived through the river that leads to heart

This is the project description for the sound art piece
An experimental composition that utilizes 11 loudspeakers installed in this space

The plan was to use 16 but eleven has more meaningful feel to it, but I always doubt my intuition

Trust your feelings, o dear
My dear told me 11 it is
Combination of two ones — eleven
έντεκα
énteka
yksi toista
one another
XI

(Introducing 11 loudspeakers in Greek)

ena dio tria tesera pende
exi epta okto enea
deka endeka

Besides the space the composition takes time, duration
Numbers will be revealed in the end as a reward for your attention
The composition you are currently listening creates an aural journey
A space music in which the sound diffusion from different sources are part of the composition process
It is accompanied by a singer and a poet who both are seeking favor from the muses
The concept of this piece is memory loss and how to represent it by sonic means
With this experiment I want to inverse the process of listening so that we become aware of the results of listening before we hear the components which comply it

During listening we learn systematically more about what we hear and from this we create understanding and the synthesis about what we have heard

It is a totality of sonic memory that we share afterwards
A conclusion, a desired climax of reasoning, as you do now as you try to understand

The only difference is that I will reveal now what this is about and what you should understand — the explanation you seek

I reveal you right away in the beginning what I am after, and what you will hear, and what you will experience

You start from the light from clarity, and you go to the unknown to obscurity
You will slowly forget what you were supposed to remember

Of course it won’t happen it is just a tactic to start the composition

In the fantasy world you will lose your memory, because this charlatan who you hear speaking proposed a trick, an illusion in order to create a simulation of the process of memory loss

Let the show, the experiment begin

Now as your doctor I tell you “The diagnose is: we all have memory illness, dementia
It’s not the end, it’s the beginning

This is the beginning for mumbling
We will learn a new skill, skill of forgetting
We will forget how we formed reason
Eventually we only form sound

We don’t hear anymore with our ears or not with our reason
It’s time for the heart to listen

U are about to enter to the world where your will forget these three words
I <3 U
Keep them in your mind throughout this experience, because I will ask in the end “what was it that I wanted you to remember”
Listen to your doctor

What was it what the doctor said?
What did I lose?
I don’t remember I am afraid

HOUR 00 MIN 07 SEC 35 TRACK NUMBER 02 CHANNELS 11

Now that you have entered the world of U
There’s no more U
U have become one with Me (Me means we) / Ella / Emeis
This brings (along) the great sadness
that U will lose Me
Two I’s form the vision
(which)
(Sees and seeks the future)
(hopes)
(but)
Inevitable clarity
will separate us
one day
the end
but we don’t want to talk about it

Our hope is in forgetfulness
between Alpha and Omega
To avoid this tragedy
we sacrifice ourselves
by drinking from the river
of memory loss
We will walk like strangers
next to each other
always forgetting
but yet still discovering
each other
Because if we know
There’s no space left for U
There’s too much sadness
to lose you

I can never know U
I lives multitudes of U
I sacrifice memory
sake of U
L=10
from ears to heart
REKORDARLING
From rational to emotion
U travel through my heart
U will lose your memory
U will forget
BUT <3 = storage
||: o / dear <3 :||

HOUR 00 MIN 11 SEC 29 TRACK NUMBER 03 CHANNELS 9

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 0 x10

2 minutes and 25 seconds
dio lepta eikosi pente deftorelepta

defteros

second is a long time
ένα δευτερόλεπτο είναι πολύς χρόνος
éna defterólepto eínai polýs chrónos

HOUR 00 MIN 15 SEC 32 TRACK NUMBER 04 CHANNELS 8

echoic memory
Echoic memory, or auditory memory
sensory memory
is a type of memory
that stores audio
information (sound)
it’s a sub category
of human memory
which can be divided
into three
major categories
long-term
memory retains events
facts, and skills
It can last for hours to
Decades 3 to 4 seconds

3 έως 4 δευτερόλεπτα
3 éos 4 defterólepta

HOUR 00 MIN 17 SEC 07 TRACK NUMBER 05 CHANNELS 6

I want to compose pop music

Θέλω να συνθέσω ποπ μουσική
Thélo na synthéso pop mousikí

HOUR 00 MIN 19 SEC 18 TRACK NUMBER 06 CHANNELS 9

Käydä uudelleen sydämen läpi
Rekordar
Muistot eivät ole aivoissaa vaan pulssissa
Memories don’t inhabit the brain, but reside in the pulse
Muisti on kuin sää
Memory is like a weather
Puhe ei jää mieleen niin kuin katse
Speech is less memorable than a glance
Takerrun tunteisiin, nimet unohtuvat
I cling to emotions, I forget names
Muistihuone
Memory room
Luonto pitää huolen, että muisto pysyy
Nature takes care that the memory remains
Tarve ehtiä osaksi tulevaisuutta ennen kuin se katoaa kokonaan
A compulsory need to be in time in order to be part of the future, before it dissolves completely
Itsenäisyyden menetys
The loss of independency
Kaikki mitä näemme on menneisyyttä
everything we see is past
valofossiilin etsijä = tähtitieteilijä
searcher of the light fossile = astronomer
Muistisairaudella on ALKU-KESKIKOHTA-LOPPU
memory illness has a beginning-middle-the end
Mind & sound Mieli ja ääni
Mieli ja ääni Mind and Sound
“Olet tässä”
“You are Here”
Tunnen katoavani, irtoavani mielestäni
I feel like I am dissappearing, detaching from my mind
Muisti katoaa sattumanvaraisesti
Memory disappears randomly
Kysymyksien ja selityksien etsintää
The search for answers and explanations
Silmistäsi näkee, että olet muistisairas
From yours we see that you have memory illness
Sairas terveiden joukossa paljastaa kaikkien kuolevaisuuden
A sick among healthy, reveals the mortality of everyone
Ystävät ovat elämäsi todistajia
Your friends are the witnesses of your life
Maailman volyymi nousee
Volume of the worlds is rising
Herkistynyt kuulo ja muistisairaus
More sensible hearing and memory illness
Unohtaminen aiheuttaa syyllisyyttä
Forgetting causes feeling of guilt
Toisistaan selvästi erottuvat värit auttavat hahmottamaan muistisairasta
Clearly distinguisable colorus help person with memory illness to perceive
Vaikka muistot haalistuvat on silti mahdollisuus saada uusia
Although memories dissolve, there is still chance to receive new memories
Tunkeilija, välitila ennen loppua
An intruder, a space in between before the end
Muistot ovat kuin villipetoja
Memories are like wilds beasts
sinä ja aika voitte kesyttää ne päivä päivältä
you and time and tame them day by day
ironinen optimismi
ironical optimism
uusi arpi muistissa
new scar in a memory
uusi palanen hulluutta
a new piece of madnees
johon ihmismieli voisi syöksyä
where human mind could dive into
Me etsimme asioita
we look for things
Asiat etsivät meitä
things are looking for us
jälkimmäiselle emme voi mitään
for latter, we can’t do much
voimme paeta ja katua
we can escape and repent
tai voimme kohdata
or we can’t encounter
ja muuttua
and transform

HOUR 00 MIN 30 SEC 56 TRACK NUMBER 07 CHANNELS 9

As your doctor I order you to redefine the word
ILLNESS
SICKNESS
ασθένεια
asthéneia
alpfa
sigma
theta
epsilon
nu
epsilon
ieta
alpha
We can call it
ελευθερία μνήμης
elefthería mnímis
memory freedom
undefinable
απροσδιόριστος
aprosdióristos

uncontrollable
αχαλίνωτος
achalínotos

living life of its own
like a child
one point it has to
find independence

ανεξαρτησία
anexartisía
Let it be
Ας είναι
As eínai

HOUR 00 MIN 33 SEC 10 TRACK NUMBER 08 CHANNELS 5

Practice a new skill

HOUR 00 MIN 35 SEC 22 TRACK NUMBER 09 CHANNELS 10

I turned into a ghost
I disappeared and reappeared
into people’s lives
only for doing business

What is this?
τι είναι αυτό
ti eínai aftó
what is what
τι είναι τι
ti eínai ti

HOUR 00 MIN 42 SEC 56 TRACK NUMBER 10 CHANNELS 6

Last night I got a call
“You wanna meet this composer”
I said: “sure where?”
Later I realized he was dead

The composer is dead
He is only doing business
From the pearly pearly gates
The composer is dead

You wanna meet him another place
The composer is dead
You wanna meet him dead
The composer is dead

We only do business
Now the poet is dead
It’s good for the business
when poet is dead

No more hunger
When the composer is dead
No more hunger
as the poet is dead

HOUR 00 MIN 47 SEC 44 TRACK NUMBER 11 CHANNELS 11

Last night I realized my fear
I fear you would reject me
and not like me anymore
I don’t know where this fear came from
but it was real until I was able to let go of it

The fears are always real
Now I understand
I’m sorry, if I disregarded
your fears once just because
the fears weren’t mine
Now I understand
how many fears
you might have closed within you
while being afraid not to show them to anyone
as a protection against being publically ashamed
by us who don’t have any idea
about your fears

And now I fear
I fear all those fears
you were afraid of
There’s a loud world
inside you because no one
was willing to hear you

We all heard you
but we never listened to you
Your voice might have reached our ears
but did it ever
reach our heart

And I am afraid
it never did
and now it is too late

You will take
your secret world
with you
while we
relive your fears

It’s your turn to forget
as we learn to remember
You remembered so long
and remembered so much
You were our memory
and your memory loss
is our memory loss too

I know I will forget
I have to
What I said
What I did
It’s gone

HOUR 00 MIN 51 SEC 28 TRACK NUMBER 12 CHANNELS 5

I still haven’t lost my memory
because I remember
how much I have worried

HOUR 00 MIN 52 SEC 59 TRACK NUMBER 13 CHANNELS 14

Sherlock Holmes taught me
N is the most mysterious letter
Nu
It has the form of two aligned lambdas
First lambda sits like a pyramid
Second lambda is a vase
Then they are squeezed together
to have NU
Now

New is formed from a snake
all the way from
through the lightning
to become
negative
EN
NO
OXI
NI
ni nu ni nu
nu ni nu ni
nu nu nu

ÄN NÄÄÄ
Nth potence
N = natural number
φυσικός
fysikós
αριθμός
arithmós
ritmo

1 2 1 2
1 2 1 2 3

HOUR 01 MIN 01 SEC 44 TRACK NUMBER 14 CHANNELS 11

This is the middle of the composition
still have 23 kilometres
until the finishing line

1 2 1 2
1 2 1 2 3

Although I can’t remember
how the future is
I will trust myself
Although I don’t know
who you will become
I will trust my feelings

HOUR 01 MIN 03 SEC 22 TRACK NUMBER 15 CHANNELS 10

Three falling

Oppenheimer Strasse remix (18.10.2022)
Ma(i)nhattan project
“Now I am become Death destroyer of worlds”
Little Boy 6.8.1945

HOUR 01 MIN 08 SEC 04 TRACK NUMBER 16 CHANNELS 7

Don’t do wrong
Don’t do it wrong
Don’t that wrong
You did wrong
You did it wrong
You did that wrong

HOUR 01 MIN 10 SEC 44 TRACK NUMBER 17 CHANNELS 9

O dear
Help me
It troubles me
I don’t remember
how the very first time was
how we met
That was some heavy rock
from our favorite band
SONIC PLEASESURE FROM HEART MEMORY

Before the intermission
Dr. will speak

Dear U
As U notice the signal between US
is getting weaker
WE has become a common separator
(once again)
thus causing inability to CO-EXIST
meaning that I has returned
in multiple numerous alliances
creating these disputing WE’s

The great sadness has fallen upon
our experiment to forget
because now U are forced
to remember what these re-occurring
disputes have caused on the relationships
between U & I

What unites WE is a common ENEMY
These WE’s are numerous
and eternally creating reasons
for new factors to unite
already internally disruptive
gang of I’s

We forget to fight against
formation of WE
Nothing belongs to US

No more alliances
no more new enemies

WE forgot and always will forget
to embrace peace

As your private doctor
I ask you to drink from the river
of forgetfulness
and begin everything
from the new beginning
Let mumbling finally begin
Let the words disappear
Goodbye farewell
and don’t be afraid
because I know that in
your heart you will always
remember these words
that I wanted
U 2 remember
PEACE

HOUR 01 MIN 15 SEC 20 TRACK NUMBER 18 CHANNELS 7

Double V A R

MONGERTAA / Monta kertaa
Speak incomprehensively
Mumble
Repeatedly

ψέλλισμα
pséllisma

to mumble
να μουρμουρίζει
na mourmourízei

beginning of mumbling

αρχή της μουρμούρας
archí tis mourmoúras

I
ego
I am
Είμαι
Eímai

HOUR 01 MIN 18 SEC 15 TRACK NUMBER 19 CHANNELS 8

Re organizing the brain
5 motifs
5 words
story only with 5 words
we need to repeat our ideas
to convince the listener
that we know what we are doing
structure

HOUR 01 MIN 27 SEC 14 TRACK NUMBER 20 CHANNELS 6

Beginning of the end
You have learned to forget
New beginning lingers ahead
Compose part 3 of the trilogy
For 9 loudspeakers
About a Tekno-Feudalic-Master
Who admits his longing
For bodily listening

HOUR 01 MIN 32 SEC 55 TRACK NUMBER -- CHANNELS –

We devoted 1 hour and 32 minutes and 55 seconds for this experiment where we tried to inverse the process of listening by listening through heart, all over again endlessly.